Every artist or creator deals with some form of imposter syndrome or self doubt because most artists and creators open a part of themselves that is vulnerable. How quickly the self doubt ebbs and flows may also depend on the experiences and environment we are in. For me, self doubt is a battle, but I know I am good at what I do, and in most cases, an act of rebellion against my self doubt normally fixes that. I am a Capricorn, afterall.
One of the fears I had in the very beginning of my journey was my lack of belief in my ability to do something twice, as in, I made this beautiful sketch, and I don’t think I could draw it better, so I don’t, and I just stick with it until I am happy. In the end I lean in on my belief in my ability to fix any mistake I could make and persist with that piece as is. And that is a fine philosophy, but lately, I have taken to destroying full pieces. Completely painting over them at times, and only keeping a glimmer of the past. I transform and make it more. I did that with a few pieces in February. I added speech bubbles, changed colors, added patterns and texture, and black light. The rush I felt when I realized I could do it better and then even better changed something inside of me….
Upon looking through my inventory, I discovered that a piece I made in October 2021 did not have hanging wire, which meant I never took it anywhere, which was confusing because I was happy with what I did. But to be perfectly honest, there was a part of me that wanted more from that piece. So this week I started covering the parts I could do better. It started with the top of the water, then the rocks, then the hills, then the face. I poured every intention into it and created, well, this.
